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Monday, December 15, 2014

It's my Top 40.

I know, I know age is but a state of mind. 
It ain't nothing but a number however tomorrow I will be 40 years old which means I've been breathing on this planet for 14,609 days.
I like to think that I've used most of this time wisely.
I like to think that but it isn't true.
I've spent much time not doing much of anything and plenty of time engaging in mindless and/or reckless behavior.
What I can do now is reflect and notice what I have learned about myself and this world we live in.
The following things aren't intended to be pearls of wisdom but my own life's observations so humor me and then go on with your day.
Thank you.

1. I do not like doughnuts not even a little.
2. No matter how old they get...ones siblings will always be inappropriate and gross and by siblings I mean my 3 brothers.
3. My useless defense mechanism of internally saying "fuck you, I'm going to laugh in your face" when challenged with criticism or discipline is still something I default to when feeling wounded.
5. I am more like my mother than I am not.
6. I will always enjoy watching The Wizard of Oz.
7. Having big cartoon eyes can often get me out of or attract trouble.
8. I wish I didn't worry so much about people liking me but I do.
9. Being alone is wonderful.
10. Cooking is a craft, a meditation and an act of love.
11. How the toilet paper rolls is important to some people but not to me.
12. I don't have a favorite color.
13. I like music that reminds me of salty air, stormy nights and whiskey. It's true...I'm a fan of Pirate Songs.
14. Being a mother is something I adore and something I continuously question my ability to do well.
15. No matter how many therapists I see, how much I meditate and practice yoga ...I am still neurotic and human. 
16. I love to learn.
17. Breakfast is my least favorite meal.
18. I am fickle about everything or am I?
19. I am riddled with doubt but don't question that it is my most self destructive quality.
20. I prefer weather that is too hot to too cold and I most definitely do not like the feeling of wind but I like the sound of it.
21. The theramin and water phone are under appreciated instruments.
22. I am a loyal friend.
23. I am a passionate lover.
24. The world will always be in conflict but there is never a moment wasted to make that untrue.
25. I want Universal Healthcare.
26. I grit my teeth whenever I hear footsteps coming up quickly behind me on a city street.
27. Being told to smile pisses me off.
28. I prefer to grocery shop daily than buy in bulk.
29. I can sing fairly well when alone or with Atticus but only then.
30. I feel sad that people are attracted to justifying prejudices and that we have entertainment networks that masquerade as news networks to further the oppression of others.
31. I often confuse my anxiety for anger.
32. There is never a season that isn't boot season.
33. I have accomplished more than I expected but not what I expected.
34. Love and attraction may not always be found with who you think it's going to be with.
35. I like to fight and debate and be proven wrong.
36. Art is the best way to communicate from the heart without words or hugs.
37. I'm not a hugger but want to be.
38. I still want my Daddy when times are confusing or unclear.
39. I take the pain of clients home with me even though I know it's unhealthy.
40. Smothering tofu with hot sauce is better than just eating hot sauce with a spoon.

That's it. 
Or atleast that's 40 things and I'm all about that number today.

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