Since You've Been Gone...

15 years ago on April 23rd my Dad passed away.

As far as memories go that day is a blur...

I know I gave my Dad a morphine shot that day, I recall him talking to people who weren't there and counting out loud, I held his hand and heard his last breath and in the morning after he died it rained and the desert smelled sweet with creosote.

There were many friends that I relied on during that time...

Susan Kay Johnson and Nadia Hagen were stable listeners as well as my coworkers at Cafe Quebec and my Flam Chen comrades but all in all it's hard to recall much of that time and I decided that instead of reflecting on the past I'd celebrate the life I've lived because of him.

He will never know the dramas and the beauty that has transpired since he left but even though he died young his existence affected my own.

In the last 15 years as I've grown up...my little brother, Paul graduated college, secured his place as an influential and philanthropic business man, married a kind and generous woman and has a beautiful and feisty daughter, my older brother, Jon has raised two incredible children who continue to amaze me and he has grown his business to be a national leader in the mortgage industry and my oldest brother Jim, has continued to struggle, he has fallen, picked himself up but fallen again...as we all have.

Me?

My father's influence to set goals and meet them created a foundation that led me to graduate college, move back to be close to my family, follow my passion and become a yoga teacher, get married, have a son and then recreate my life to be true to myself.

He made me a tape before he died and one of the things he repeated again and again was that I needed to be true to myself so as I think about the years since he died it took me awhile to remember his words but I did and so as I hold him in my heart today, I hope that he would be proud of me and of all of us...

He brought some good people into this world and were doing our best to raise our children with the same foundations to be true, to work hard and to live.

His last years were spent doing what he loved and as they have always been...these are my last days and I hope to use them wisely.